Grass Valley

Sobering Stats About Teens and Media


I couldn’t figure out what my son was talking about. “Mom! They have a TV cover just like ours. Why is theirs on their wall?” I glanced around my friend’s house and noticed what my son was pointing to. My friend looked at me with a quizzical, “Has your son lost his mind?” look. I laughed, embarrassed now, and knowing I needed to explain to my friend about why my son was pointing to her heirloom quilt and referring to it as a ‘TV cover.’ “Uh… We don’t let our kids watch a lot of television. In fact, our TV… Continue Reading This Article

The Importance of Hula Hoops in Your Relationship

marriage relationship

The Principle of the Hula Hoop I think one of the most important things a couple can do to improve their relationship is to learn and practice the principle of “Staying In Your Own Hula Hoop.” What I mean is it is so very easy to point the finger at our partner and talk about how they are making the marital relationship difficult. It’s easy to become focused on how desperately we want them to change, isn’t it? After all, if you knew the person we had to live with, you’d want them to change too, wouldn’t you? Focusing on… Continue Reading This Article

Ten Ways To Remove Criticism from Your Marriage

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Dr. John Gottman, psychologist and researcher, wasn’t the first one to warn against criticism. Criticism just hasn’t been seen as healthy for a relationship for a long time. There were countless others before him who have preached acceptance and peace in relationships. Buddha, Solomon of The Proverbs, Gandhi, Mark Twain, Eleanor Roosevelt, Teddy Roosevelt and Jesus all spoke about criticism. Buddha “Should you find a wise critic to point out your faults, follow him as you would a guide to hidden treasure.” Solomon of The Proverbs “It’s better to live alone in the corner of an attic than with a… Continue Reading This Article

How Long Does It Take To Change A Light Bulb? (Marriage Improvement)

marriage couples

Have you heard the joke about the light bulb? It goes like this: Question: “How many therapists does it take to change a light bulb?” Answer: “One. but the light bulb has to want to change!” Improving relationships – any relationship – is much the same. The research shows it takes only one person to change a relationship for the better. -I can hear you now. “But, you don’t know what it’s like to live with him!” “I’m not going to change unless she changes.” “I tried that suggestion you made last week, and it didn’t work.” I hear you,… Continue Reading This Article

Skills for Managing Conflict in Marriage


Marriage can be a Wild and Wonderful Adventure – Filled with excitement – Yes -It can However – being married to another imperfect being means there will be conflict at times. Research shows happily married people and miserably married people have the same amount of conflict. The happily married couples just know how to Manage Conflict. Managing Conflict is a necessary skill to insuring you keep the love alive. If you’re finding yourself in gridlock more times than not, you may need a tune up or reminder about how to go about managing conflict. Sometimes it might take more than… Continue Reading This Article

Stop With the Stonewalling in Marriage

marriage couples

Stonewalling is a classic technique used often in negotiations. It’s usually fairly effective, too! You can Stonewall your opponent into believing you’re going to raise the ante in a lawsuit or court battle. However, when Stonewalling is used in a marriage, a couple can easily become stuck in a frozen tundra of a dying relationship. Dr. John Gottman, psychologist and researcher, has done 40 years of research on marriages. He reports Stonewalling to be one of the most destructive of the 4 Horsemen of Marriage Disasters. What do you do instead of Stonewalling? How do you start breaking down the… Continue Reading This Article

Stonewalling – The Ultimate Weapon of Destruction For Couples


Have you ever heard yourself saying, “I feel like I’m talking to a wall?” or “I might as well be talking to myself!” Has anyone been saying these statements to you lately? If so, you might have Stonewalling as part of the Destructive Dance to your relationship. But, wait. It can get worse. –If both of you have begun to practice Stonewalling, there is a strong probability the relationship is circling the drain. The results of Dr. John Gottman’s research showed Stonewalling to be one of the most destructive behaviors in a relationship. It’s one of the 4 Horsemen we… Continue Reading This Article

Be Kind – Unwind the Contempt

couples kind

If you are a couple who is wound tightly into a ball of negativity – winding tighter and tighter – until you feel you’re going to strangle to death, you must listen to these words: Be Kind – Unwind I can almost predict what you’re thinking right now, “You just don’t know how mean my partner is.” or “You can’t expect me to be kind to him/her.” Or something like, “Yea. Easy for you to say. I bet your partner has always loved you and been there for you!” Sure. I get it. I’ve heard these statements before when I’ve… Continue Reading This Article

Combating Contempt in Couples


If you’re a couple where Contempt is a regular part of communication, you are feeling pretty miserable. Your relationship is stuck in negativity and loneliness. Your marriage is most likely on the way to a divorce or a living death. You may remain legally married. You might even choose to live in a “We’re married forever even though our marriage could be a case study for “Zombie Marriage: The Walking Dead Married of America!” Either way, if Contempt is an ongoing behavior, your marriage has definitely “Lost that Loving Feeling!” Bob and Kate were there. We began writing about the… Continue Reading This Article

The Why’s of Contempt for Couples


Hey, there. We’re continuing on in figuring out how couples can let their relationships deteriorate and slip into some Destructive Dances of relating to each other. We started at the Marriage-Relationship Saga. We’re going to keep walking together – persevering – learning about the Destructive 4 Horsemen Dr. John Gottman researched. It’s hard, isn’t it? Sometimes looking at the ways we have treated each other in the past, or are treating each other currently, is truly painful and lonely. My hope is you will be encouraged. So- Remember how I said in the last blog that I was going to… Continue Reading This Article