defensiveness

Bursting the Defensiveness Bubble for Couples

The destructive ways of relating couples get into is tricky. Finger pointing often becomes a way of life. The reason why you’re unhappy is certainly because of your partner. The reason why your partner is unhappy is certainly because of you. And so it goes. Dr. John Gottman’s research determined Defensiveness to be one of the Four Horsemen used by couples in trouble. Defensiveness becomes part of the couple’s Dance of Disaster. It is destructive. It can become a natural rhythm of the relationship. The Defensive Two-Step: Criticism/Defense – Comment/Defense – Action/Defense. Twirl your partner and dosey-doe as down the… Continue Reading This Article