Colfax California

These Three Things Will Improve Your Marriage

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Marriage is just hard sometimes, isn’t it? Wouldn’t you like some secrets from the Masters of Marriage on how to hedge your bets on your marriage not only lasting, but lasting Happily Ever After? Well, now – I have just the thing for today. Some quick and easy tips guaranteed to make life easier and your marriage happier. But first, let’s talk about patterns of relating to each other. -Or how we learned to dance the relationship dance. Both people come into a marriage with a history of relationships from their past. I’m not referring to prior dating relationships or… Continue Reading This Article

Be Kind – Unwind the Contempt

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If you are a couple who is wound tightly into a ball of negativity – winding tighter and tighter – until you feel you’re going to strangle to death, you must listen to these words: Be Kind – Unwind I can almost predict what you’re thinking right now, “You just don’t know how mean my partner is.” or “You can’t expect me to be kind to him/her.” Or something like, “Yea. Easy for you to say. I bet your partner has always loved you and been there for you!” Sure. I get it. I’ve heard these statements before when I’ve… Continue Reading This Article

How to Handle Couple Criticism

Are you a part of a couple where it is starting to feel like you can’t do anything right in your relationship? You make a decision with the kids and get second-guessed. You wear something, only to hear, “You’re not wearing that, are you?” Sometimes it might feel like whether you eat, breathe, or move there’s always a negative comment coming from your partner. We’ve talked about Solutions for the Culprit of Criticizing. Now, let’s talk about How to Handle being the Criticized. How do a lot of people handle the “drip, drip, drip” of a critical partner? And how… Continue Reading This Article

Solutions to Couples Criticizing

Couples often get stuck in destructive habits with each other. Criticism is one of these habits. Criticism often starts a spiral downward for the couple. One partner criticizes. The other Partner defends. One partner ramps up the criticism to contempt. The other partner stonewalls. And so it goes. The negativity cycle of destruction spins a couple into loneliness within the marriage. The once happy and carefree couple often wonders if they will ever be able to get out of the walking deadness of their marriage. There are solutions. There is hope. Criticism has antidotes to it. Whether you are the… Continue Reading This Article

Ways we “Accidentally” Criticize

Criticism is one of the 4 Horsemen couples need to watch out for in their marriage. I began writing  about Dr. John Gottman’s 4 Horsemen of miserable marriages in my previous blog, The Marriage-Relationship Saga. According to Gottman’s research, Criticism will take the “happy” out of the ever-after in no time flat.When one partner gets in the habit of expressing the negative or the “just a thought,” the other partner will begin to feel discouraged. Discouragement easily leads to feelings of resentment and hopelessness. Thus starts the negativity cycle in a marriage.We all have thoughts about things others are doing around us. It’s… Continue Reading This Article

Horses in My Marriage Bed-1

Dr. John Gottman informed me about 10 years ago, there were horses in my marriage bed. He had been doing research for years in his couples’ lab about happily married couples versus those couples who were miserable or on the verge of divorce. Dr. Gottman’s research showed there were four horsemen I needed to keep out of my marriage. My husband and I read about these horses and took a quick assessment of our arena. At the time, the horses were running like wild stallions stampeding for water in the Sahara through our marriage! We knew we had to do… Continue Reading This Article