Couples

The Importance of Hula Hoops in Your Relationship

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The Principle of the Hula Hoop I think one of the most important things a couple can do to improve their relationship is to learn and practice the principle of “Staying In Your Own Hula Hoop.” What I mean is it is so very easy to point the finger at our partner and talk about how they are making the marital relationship difficult. It’s easy to become focused on how desperately we want them to change, isn’t it? After all, if you knew the person we had to live with, you’d want them to change too, wouldn’t you? Focusing on… Continue Reading This Article

Ten Ways To Remove Criticism from Your Marriage

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Dr. John Gottman, psychologist and researcher, wasn’t the first one to warn against criticism. Criticism just hasn’t been seen as healthy for a relationship for a long time. There were countless others before him who have preached acceptance and peace in relationships. Buddha, Solomon of The Proverbs, Gandhi, Mark Twain, Eleanor Roosevelt, Teddy Roosevelt and Jesus all spoke about criticism. Buddha “Should you find a wise critic to point out your faults, follow him as you would a guide to hidden treasure.” Solomon of The Proverbs “It’s better to live alone in the corner of an attic than with a… Continue Reading This Article

These Three Things Will Improve Your Marriage

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Marriage is just hard sometimes, isn’t it? Wouldn’t you like some secrets from the Masters of Marriage on how to hedge your bets on your marriage not only lasting, but lasting Happily Ever After? Well, now – I have just the thing for today. Some quick and easy tips guaranteed to make life easier and your marriage happier. But first, let’s talk about patterns of relating to each other. -Or how we learned to dance the relationship dance. Both people come into a marriage with a history of relationships from their past. I’m not referring to prior dating relationships or… Continue Reading This Article

Owning Your Part When You Hurt The Dance

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Remember what Maya Angelou said? “When someone shows you how they feel, believe them the first time.” But what if you’re the one who did the injury? What if you’re the person who hurt your partner in marriage, your close friend, a colleague or worse yet, someone you barely know? How do you repair the relationship and earn back the trust you broke? What To Do When You’ve Hurt You’re Loved One 1. Think About What Happened What was going on for you when you said or did what you did? How do you think the other person felt? How… Continue Reading This Article

How Hurts Can Make The Relationship Dance Sweeter

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Maya Angelou once said, “When someone shows you who they are, Believe them -the first time.” My daughter can do an excellent imitation of Maya Angelou stating this encouragement. She always makes me either smile or groan when she quotes Ms. Angelou. It really depends on the occasion and the subject. And believe you me, throughout the years of childhood, adolescents and young adulthood, we have had many an opportunity to quote this statement in our household. Faithful friends and not-so-faithful friends are difficult to sort through. “But – How does this apply to me,” you ask? Well – Sit… Continue Reading This Article

How Long Does It Take To Change A Light Bulb? (Marriage Improvement)

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Have you heard the joke about the light bulb? It goes like this: Question: “How many therapists does it take to change a light bulb?” Answer: “One. but the light bulb has to want to change!” Improving relationships – any relationship – is much the same. The research shows it takes only one person to change a relationship for the better. -I can hear you now. “But, you don’t know what it’s like to live with him!” “I’m not going to change unless she changes.” “I tried that suggestion you made last week, and it didn’t work.” I hear you,… Continue Reading This Article

Skills for Managing Conflict in Marriage

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Marriage can be a Wild and Wonderful Adventure – Filled with excitement – Yes -It can However – being married to another imperfect being means there will be conflict at times. Research shows happily married people and miserably married people have the same amount of conflict. The happily married couples just know how to Manage Conflict. Managing Conflict is a necessary skill to insuring you keep the love alive. If you’re finding yourself in gridlock more times than not, you may need a tune up or reminder about how to go about managing conflict. Sometimes it might take more than… Continue Reading This Article

Stop With the Stonewalling in Marriage

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Stonewalling is a classic technique used often in negotiations. It’s usually fairly effective, too! You can Stonewall your opponent into believing you’re going to raise the ante in a lawsuit or court battle. However, when Stonewalling is used in a marriage, a couple can easily become stuck in a frozen tundra of a dying relationship. Dr. John Gottman, psychologist and researcher, has done 40 years of research on marriages. He reports Stonewalling to be one of the most destructive of the 4 Horsemen of Marriage Disasters. What do you do instead of Stonewalling? How do you start breaking down the… Continue Reading This Article

Stonewalling – The Ultimate Weapon of Destruction For Couples

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Have you ever heard yourself saying, “I feel like I’m talking to a wall?” or “I might as well be talking to myself!” Has anyone been saying these statements to you lately? If so, you might have Stonewalling as part of the Destructive Dance to your relationship. But, wait. It can get worse. –If both of you have begun to practice Stonewalling, there is a strong probability the relationship is circling the drain. The results of Dr. John Gottman’s research showed Stonewalling to be one of the most destructive behaviors in a relationship. It’s one of the 4 Horsemen we… Continue Reading This Article

Be Kind – Unwind the Contempt

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If you are a couple who is wound tightly into a ball of negativity – winding tighter and tighter – until you feel you’re going to strangle to death, you must listen to these words: Be Kind – Unwind I can almost predict what you’re thinking right now, “You just don’t know how mean my partner is.” or “You can’t expect me to be kind to him/her.” Or something like, “Yea. Easy for you to say. I bet your partner has always loved you and been there for you!” Sure. I get it. I’ve heard these statements before when I’ve… Continue Reading This Article